Past Prime Ministers, Pensioners, Presents and a Presence' all points on which to Ponder or Pontificate, depending on your Political Persuasions.

The sad passing of a great man on Tuesday 20 November 2007 brought to a close the lifetime of a person whose stoical actions determined our destiny in the then Rhodesia. The pundits will argue, based on the wonderful science of hindsight, that things may have been different had an alternative route been chosen. How great it must be to profess such wisdom some 42 years after the event. Not only have the playing fields changed, but the players, their jerseys and their supporters have all been confronted with a new set of challenges. No doubt the next generation will hold 'expert' views on how the impending circus in this country should have been handled at the time. Given all that, from deep down inside, where devils deliberately delve, we salute the passing of a man who led us, with integrity, high morals and faultless ethics, through a myriad of trials and tribulations, doing what he felt best for his country and people at the time. It seems somewhat fitting that Ian Smith passed away so close to the last resting place of an earlier icon Cecil John Rhodes, who spent much of his later life in what is today known as Rhodes' Cottage in St. James. Is it merely a quirk of fate that the word 'Rhodesian' includes 'Rhodes' and 'Ian' in its make up' To both great men, one in the beginning and the other at the end, we say 'Thank you for allowing us the privilege of having lived in God's own country, and may you both continue to rest in peace'.

As an Association we endeavour to keep in touch with members or their widows. We are not a fund raising organization, but we do support needy pensioners wherever we can and assist them in times of affliction or need. To this end we are very reliant on the grapevine - the well-known network that worked so well during our years in Rhodesia. Once again we implore members to keep the Committee informed of those proud folk who deem it unfit to put their hands up or out for assistance. Unless we know about their needs we cannot assist. At this point I must mention that your Committee has secured a life-long monthly grocery hamper for the widow - who was struggling to make ends meet - of one of our past members. This was done in conjunction and through our association with the M'dala Trust, an organisation we continue to support. Our members have and always will come first, so lets hear about them.

The passing of presents is over for another year. Many of us have no doubt received gifts from loved ones and friends for which we have no use (or find we have the previous four versions, still unopened, lying in the back of a cupboard!) Spare a thought for those unfortunates who have received nothing this Christmas past. The Committee plans to call upon you, our able and active members, over the next few months to secure any such unwanted gifts, which we would like to donate to children's or old age homes in the Western Cape. Arrangements for collection will be made soon, so please keep your eyes open.

For those of us who believe in the Spirit World, a question ' has anyone out there felt the presence of the supernatural in or around Timour Hall' The place lends itself to such a phenomenon and I'm sure there must be folk out there willing to share experiences with a non-sceptic like myself. From clattering cutlery to frantic footsteps, there must be many stories about Timour Hall. I implore those of you who have psychic powers to share your experiences, by putting pen to paper for our Outpost. It is high time we garnered an anthology of ghostly tales, whether charming or bizarre, tainted by a talisman or tempered by time. Let us see them 'floating in'.

We hope that in the New Year your purses and pantries will remain full and that you will have a blessed and healthy 2008.

6905 Peter Phillips, Chairman of the UK branch of the Association attended our November meeting at Timour Hall, in the company of 5957 Dave Rycroft, and bumped into squad mates Brian Oberholster and Martin Gee. (See Inpost)

On 11 November several of our members, and a good showing of 'brown jobs' and other former Rhodesians, attended the Remembrance Day Service at the Fish Hoek Methodist Church. The service was conducted by Pastor Mark Harris. During his address Mark revealed he was a former Patrol Officer in the BSAP ' 8052 'serving from 1968 to 1980. Whilst Mark was addressing us his son Paul was spinning his magic against the New Zealand cricketers at Centurion.

Our Annual Christmas party took place at Timour Hall on 3 December and was attended by 100 members and guests. Chris Piggott provided his usual excellent lamb spit-braai and the music of the Rhodesian duo Brian and Lynn Peacefull entertained us. A highlight of the evening was the huge raffle, and we thank all the folk who contributed. Nigel Curling and Howard Neill did a photo-shoot of the event, which may be viewed on http://www.capevideos.com/XMAS-2007.htm  Those who couldn't make it to the party may wish to see what they missed out on ' give it a viewing.

We hear that 5675 Dave Waddon and Miriam Oberholster, wife of 6893 Brian, were both hospitalised briefly in November, Dave at the Worcester Medi-Clinic and Miriam at the Constantiaberg Medi-clinic. Both returned home within a matter of days and have made a full recovery from their ailments. We wish them well.

And finally may we again remind you that we are always on the lookout for interesting articles and stories for inclusion in our magazine, and for suitable photographs with which to grace the front cover. Let's be hearing from you.

From 6893 Brian Oberholster
At the November 2007 meeting at Timour Hall I met up with 6905 Peter Phillips, a squad mate I had not seen since we left Depot in 1963. Unfortunately I was unable to spend as much time as I would have liked with him to catch up on the past 44 years, as I had to rush off to visit Miriam in hospital. By happenchance, also present on the evening was squad mate 6900 Martin Gee.

From 4691 Peter Lord
Thanks you for the latest edition of the Western Cape Outpost. It is sad to note that our past compatriots in (combating) crime continue to decrease as the months and years progress. I knew a number of members on the Roll of Honour, in particular John Brett and Harry Davies. I seem to remember that some years ago Whitakers' Almanac listed only three 'police forces,' as such, in the world, namely the RCMP, the Texas Rangers and the BSAP. What a reputation, but now the latter is no more! But at least our Association lives on. What a life, and so we live on, grey hair and all.

From 7277 John Larn
I attended the Johannesburg Remembrance Day Service at the Dickie Fritz Moth Shellhole, a bigger and better equipped venue for these ceremonies than the previous venue. All the Services were represented, and of particular interest was the first showing of the 'mobile' Memorial for the Rhodesian dead of 'our' war. As I understand it, until a permanent venue can be found for a Memorial the mobile version will have to do. The reason for this is that whenever a local Municipality was approached for a piece of turf on which to erect a memorial the first question asked was invariably, 'How much will you pay me'' It is hoped that eventually the 'mobile' version will find a home, before the last Rhodesian 'fades away'.

From 5872 Winston Hart
I recently attended the London BSAP Regimental Dinner and it was wonderful to meet up with old comrades, in particular Gerry Paxton my host whilst in the UK, Peter Grant, who has been a wonderful friend, and almost a whole BSAP back line of yesterday, from the base of the scrum Mick York, Wilf Howe and Ken Miners. It was especially great to meet up with Tom Meekin, Peter Biddulph and Danny Stannard. As usual time was too short, but it made one realise how special it is to have been a member of the BSAP. I would like to thank them all through our Western Cape Association for the good time I enjoyed with such good and long lasting friends.

The following report appeared recently in The Scotsman.

They have white canes instead of guns, and guide dogs instead of patrol cars. But the blind detectives working for a special squad of police officers in Belgium are every bit as feared by criminals as their sighted counterparts. The authorities hire them for their heightened hearing and intuition, utilising skills the sighted do not possess.

'Being blind has forced me to develop my other senses, and my power as a detective rests in my ears,' said detective Sacha van Loo in Antwerp. He is one of six blind officers in a pioneering unit specialising in transcribing and analysing wiretap recordings in criminal cases. Mr van Loo, who has been blind since birth, has such acute hearing that a director at Belgium's federal police compared his powers of observation to those of a 'superhero'.

He is also an accomplished linguist. When police eavesdrop on a suspected terrorist making a phone call, Mr van Loo can listen to the tones dialled and immediately identify the number. By hearing the sound of a voice echoing off a wall he can deduce whether a suspect is speaking from an airport lounge, a crowded restaurant, a railway station or a bus terminus. After police spent hours struggling to identify a drug smuggler on a faint wiretap recording, they concluded he was Moroccan. Mr van Loo, who has a 'library of accents in his head', listened and deduced he was Albanian. When arrested he turned out to be just that.

'I have had to train my ears to know where I am. It is a matter of survival to cross the street or get on a train' he said. 'Some people can get lost in background noise, but as a blind man I divide hearing into different channels. It is these details that can be the difference between solving and not solving a crime'.

The unit became operational in June, after police director Paul van Thielen heard about a blind officer in the Netherlands. 'I believed the blind could be useful and could even be better than sighted detectives when it came to analysing wire-tap information, which constitutes a large part of criminal intelligence gathering these days', he said. 'Taped conversations in criminals' hideouts or terrorists' safe houses are often muffled by a lot of background noise. Blind detectives can cut through this'.

The unit recently helped smash a plot by foreign insurgents to recruit Islamic radicals in Belgium to fight British and US troops in Iraq. By listening to the wiretaps they were able to identify the nationalities of the men speaking on them.

The team's computers have Braille keyboards but they print out memoranda and reports for senior officers in normal script. The squad is also equipped with state-of-the-art GPS systems, which give out verbal directions when they are out on the streets on a case. Another blind officer said: 'No-one cuts you any slack here. They even say 'see you later', as if I ever could! But they do make sure there are no computer cables trailing on the floor we could trip over'.

We recently came across a letter addressed to a Mr D, which read: 'We act for The'''Bank of Africa Limited, and are instructed that you are indebted to our client in the sum of R3 697.63, together with interest and legal costs. The Bank is preparing to institute legal action against you, as you have ignored, neglected, failed and/or refused to respond to all previous attempts to contact you. Kindly make payment into your abovementioned account at The''Bank'. In response to the above Mr D wrote across the form 'You cannot demand things from me! I am a policeman and a public servant. I help you when there is a crime in your house and now you want to kick my arse! Send this letter to Mr Selebi, our boss, he will put you white people in your place'.

You can't argue with that!

The following article appeared in the Times of London recently:

During the Troubles it was the proud boast of Northern Ireland's police that while they might have some of the worst crime in the United Kingdom they were also the best at solving it. But now it has emerged that crime detection rates have sunk so low, since the Royal Ulster Constabulary (RUC) was transformed by the peace process into a new policing service, that detectives are being desperately sought from forces around Britain. The RUC's crime detection rate ' the most reliable statistic for determining the effectiveness of a police force ' stood at about 42% for many years, putting it at the top of the league. But since the RUC became the Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) its crime detection rate has plummeted to 16% ' the lowest of any force. It is estimated that œ360 million has already been spent on generous early retirement packages for serving officers as part of efforts to reach an even mix of Protestants and Roman Catholics.

But an unforeseen consequence, as thousands take up the offer, has been the disappearance of swaths of policing experience in the middle and senior echelons of the PSNI. When the RUC passed into history 10% of the force was Catholic, a figure that has since doubled as the new force struggles to reduce its size. But the retirement scheme ' known as the 'Patten payoffs' after the former Governor of Hong Kong, Lord Patten of Barnes, who drew up the police reform plan ' is open to former RUC officers who are Catholic, and they too have been happily hanging up their caps, in return for packages averaging about œ250 000 in their hand, and an immediate pension of upwards of œ1 500 a month. Last year 350 officers took the Patten scheme, which will continue to run until 2011.

'There's a joke going round that PSNI stands for Police Service, Nothing Investigated', a senior officer told The Times. 'The RUC used to have the UK's second-highest crime clearance rate, today the PSNI's is the lowest'. Public disquiet about policing performance crystallised around the killing of a West Belfast greengrocer, who was stabbed in the head with a screwdriver earlier this month when he tried to prevent his vehicle from being stolen. Three youths have been charged in connection with the death of Harry Holland, but the crime caused outrage, with callers inundating a radio chat show with demands for the return of paramilitaries.

In an attempt to redress the crime detection deficiency, the force has embarked on a two-month recruitment drive across Britain to find 90 detectives. Sir Hugh Orde, the Chief Constable, reported to the Northern Ireland Policing Board this month that while crime has fallen, the PSNI was failing to meet its targets for clearance rates, an indication that not enough crimes are being solved. And he admitted that the detective shortage was about to become worse. 'It's a concern for me because we're set to lose more under Patten severance', he said. Peter Sheridan, the Assistant Chief Constable for Crime Operations, said policing had 'undergone considerable change' as a result of Patten. 'The key factor in these posts is experience. We cannot get this skills base from an initial recruitment campaign so we have decided to look elsewhere', he said.

Swifter action on forensic science evidence would help. It is understood that prosecutors have anywhere between 5 000 and

6 000 files before them awaiting action. Sir Hugh told members of the policing board 'there's no point having our scientists and crime scene investigators recovering a fingerprint and turning it round in 24 hours, if the investigating officer sits on it for two weeks'.

1 How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2 Which country makes Panama hats?
3 From which animal do we get catgut?
4 In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
5 What is a camel's hair brush made from?
6 The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal?
7 What was King George VI's first name?
8 What colour is a purple finch?
9 Where do Chinese gooseberries come from?
10 What is the colour of the black box in a commercial aircraft?

Answers:

1 116 years.
2 Ecuador.
3 Sheep and horses.
4 November.
5 Squirrel fur.
6 Dogs.
7 Albert.
8 Crimson.
9 New Zealand.
10 Orange.

A man and his wife were awakened at 3am by a loud pounding on the door. The man got up and went to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, was asking for a push. 'Not a chance' said the husband, 'it's 3 o'clock in the morning!' He slammed the door and returned to bed. 'Who was that'' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push' he answered. 'Did you help him'' she asked. 'No I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring rain out there!' 'Well, you have a short memory' said his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us' I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man did as he is told, got dressed, and went out into the pouring rain. He called out into the dark 'Hello, are you still there'' 'Yes' came back the answer. 'Do you still need a push'' called out the husband. 'Yes, please!' came the reply from the dark. 'Where are you'' asked the husband. 'Over here on the swing' replied the drunk.

The following story relates to a mural at the 1st World War Memorial at the Delville Wood Military Museum in France.

In early 1980's four prominent South African sculptors were chosen to create four 30 X 15 metre bronze murals, each of which would fill one of the interior walls within the complex. One of the artists was a well-known sculptor and lecturer at the Pretoria University, Mike Edwards, and he was commissioned to execute one of these panels.

Mike had been teaching me the basics of sculpture and art at evening classes at his studio in Irene for a couple of years, and he chose me and one of his lecturers to assist him in the mammoth project of constructing the bronze mural. This entailed rebuilding the studio. A steel structure was built on one of the walls and this was daubed which some nine tonnes of clay, onto which the mural was created. Thereafter a plaster cast was made of the clay image. The casting was done in sections, and it was an interesting and demanding feat of pure engineering and creativity, that took some 18 months to complete. The mural was divided and molded in sections, each of which were so heavy they had to be winched off the steel structure, a very delicate manoeuvre, as one slip would have been disaster - there was no going back and starting again.

During the creation of the mural Mike realized that we needed to research the military uniform worn by Jan Smuts, who was to be one of the principal figures, and apart from my main role as a labourer I was now appointed as researcher of World War One clothing, armour and equipment. To my delight I discovered the uniform General Smuts wore was identical to that of the British South African Police, a complete set of which I had hanging in a cupboard at home. - Dress Order Number One, tunic, riding breeches, leggings and spurs - complete with belt and brace.

Taking advantage of this, and for purposes of authenticity, we took direct rubber moldings of the BSAP belt & brace and tunic buttons, all of which bore the BSAP insignia. So if you take a close look at Jan Smuts' life size image in bronze at Delville Wood, you will see that the BSAP is represented on each button of his tunic. Also if you look at the top far right corner of the mural you will see a miniature representation of the shell-stripped Delville Wood, which is my own artwork. Also if you ever visit the museum you might recognise one of our BSAP members (me) in a group of four persons in civilian clothes, positioned under that of the life size image of General Botha, standing before General Smuts.

So In reality, a small but significant part of the BSAP is retained for posterity, in a small piece of land owned by South Africa in France, and as the late Assistant Commissioner Ron Dick often said 'they cannot take it away from us' as it is truly cast in Bronze.

Incidentally I still turn my hand to sculpting and painting, whenever the opportunity presents itself.

I moved from Chirundu to Victoria Falls late in 1965. Having left the Police the previous year I had joined the Immigration Department. The most exciting event at the time was the opening of the new Casino in the Victoria Falls Hotel. At the time Ken MacDonald was Member i/c, Vic Falls. He was assisted by Raoul Gilbert and Ron Shardlow, the latter a former close squad mate of mine. Raoul and Ron were plain-clothes men, and Raoul had called my fianc‚e in for 'questioning'.

Ursula, for her sins, had been in a scrape with the SAP, or rather its security division, the Bureau of State Security (BOSS) as it was then termed. She had been branded a communist because of her association with certain friends, and for attending 'subversive' meetings whilst a student at the University of Stellenbosch. As she was now employed by the United Touring Company at Victoria Falls her file had been forwarded to Raoul, 'for investigation'.

She was also in trouble with Ken, from the time she went into the charge office to apply for a driving license. Ken's eyes nearly fell out of his head. 'But I've seen you driving about in that little brown beetle. You mean to say you've been driving around here without a licence'' Well, she managed to talk her way out of double trouble, and I of course was a pushover - enough said.

Anyway, back to the story! 'Bloody Hell, can you believe it' Look who's here', said one of the patrons standing at the bar, as in walked Stuart Campbell, big time hunter and safari operator. 'Drinks all round' he called, beaming from ear to ear. 'How did you do it'' asked another. 'Dead easy', he replied, 'piece of tacky, nothing difficult about winning the sweepstake, anybody can do it, you know'.

It was the third time I had free drinks with Stuart, who had his camp on the Zambian side of the Falls. He had sold his old 'Landy' to a colleague for one penny. 'Had to do it, to get the registration papers right, you know the law says 'quid pro quo' and all that', he said. Yes the law was different 'over there', across the river. He'd bought a new speedboat AND a Ford Mustang.

'Do you know what's happening with the Casino'' Stuart asked of no one in particular. 'Well Ian Smith will be opening it', said one of the patrons. 'He's flying up here, and his cavalcade of cars are driving up all the way from Bulawayo'. 'Oh that's bloody rubbish, I can pick him up in my Mustang', said Stuart.

Well a few days later and after a lot of talking and drinking (after all there were a lot of thirsty men trying to help Stuart) we went along to the airstrip to await the arrival of the old Dakota. Ursula and I, and Ian Terry and Ian Ross, both ex NRP headed for the runway. As the Dakota approached I glimpsed Stuart standing next to his red Mustang. The Dak landed in a cloud of dust and Smithy climbed down, just as Stuart drove up in another cloud of dust and parked alongside.

'Stuart Campbell, I presume'' the Prime Minister asked, looking at Stuart's Safari hat which had a bit of leopard skin around it. 'Is this yours' Bloody nice', he said, pointing at the car, before climbing in alongside Stuart, who was grinning broadly. Well, Ian Smith was always a down-to-earth man, no matter the politics, and a jolly good speech and party followed. For Stuart, it was probably the best day of his life, and for us it was one of the greatest. Great country, great times and great people.

Andrew's article prompted the following reply from 8714 John Munro.

I, too, remember Stuart Campbell very well indeed. We go back a long way, despite our age difference. I first met Stuart circa 1972 when he was living in Gwaai Valley. He was a keen participant in the local PATU training, where, because of his rotund appearance and lack of exercise, he was confined to camp, under instructions to prepare meals for us young and hungry PATU guys. His speciality was guinea fowl stew, which I must say was excellent. Stuart always enthralled us with his various stories, one of which was how he was booted out of Zambia by his erstwhile friend, Kenneth Kaunda, whilst clad in only his 'Y' front white baggy underpants. One can imagine Stewart clambering across Vic Falls Bridge in such a fashion.

For whatever reason Stuart took a liking to me, and always volunteered to come on vehicle patrols of the Wankie National Park with me. We spent many a night sitting around a campfire chatting and story telling. He spoke fondly on Norman Carr of lion fame, and with tears in his eyes he would recount his days in the Lower Luangwa. We also had the odd foray into Botswana when we 'lost' the road whilst following the Old Pandamatenka Track. I have some slides of Stuart and I at Dzivannini Pan, with a whole flock of pelicans in attendance, and also taking a wash in an elephant drinking-hole in one of the sand rivers. Stuart allowed me free range on his farm in the Sikhumi Valley near Gwaai, and the use of his open Landrover to traverse the game sanctuary he developed there. He always had an eye for the girls, and on occasions I would arrive at his low roofed bungalow only to find the place festooned with the most gorgeous and lovable females ' where Stuart ever met them I'll never know! For that matter, other than his charm and wit I'll never know what they saw in him!

I lost contact with Stuart about 1977, so would be keen to hear of his whereabouts, or if he is even still alive for that matter. Incidentally, we have been family friends with Ken and Glynis MacDonald for many years, and he was instrumental in having me withdraw my first resignation from the ZRP when he asked if I would consider the post of Officer In Charge at Kariba. Naturally I took up the offer and thoroughly enjoyed my latter days at Kariba.

The following quotes came from job applications submitted to a placement agency in America.

* I have a graduate degree in unclear physics.
* In my previous position I saved the company $29 000 a year by removing ornamental pants from the reception area and the cafeteria.
* My previous job was serving as a deceptionist in a doctor's office.
* My architectural experience includes designing golf curses.
* I worked for 6 years as an uninformed security guard.
* My volunteer experience includes delivering hot males to senior citizens.
* I desire to work for a company that projects Judo-Christian values.
* My last role was with plumbing and hating specialists.
* The academic scholarship I earned came with a plague.
* Most of my experience to this point has been as a blue-colour worker.
* As part of the city maintenance crew I repaired bad roads and defective brides.
* After graduating from college I worked in a clothing store for seven moths.
* My career goal is to shave my talents with a growing company.
* My hobbies include raising long-eared rabbis as pets.

The following article was contributed by 6664 Norman Foster. Norman 'liberated' the report whilst on a visit to PGHQ sometime in the 1960's. The author is unknown and the report is undated.

The British South Africa Company's Police, from which the name of the BSA Police is derived, was raised as the result of a paragraph in the Charter granted in 1889 by Queen Victoria to CJ Rhodes' British South Africa Company, which made it lawful to raise and equip a Force of Police to accompany a proposed expedition into Mashonaland.

Most of the foundation members of the Force were recruited in Bechuanaland from the ranks of the Bechuanaland Border Police (BBP), a force raised in 1885 to protect Bechuanaland from raiding Boers from the Transvaal.

The Company's right to occupy Mashonaland derived from a concession granted in 1888 by Lobengula, the Matabele King, to Charles Rudd, who was acting for Rhodes (the Rudd Concession). The Charter granted on the strength of this concession was similar to that granted by earlier sovereigns to the old East India Company and the Hudson's Bay Company of Canada.

The expedition which set out from Macloutsie, the BBP camp in Bechuanaland where the men were trained, consisted therefore of two separate organisations, the Pioneer Column of farmers, miners and traders under the control of 23 year old Frank Johnson (who had contracted with Rhodes, for œ94 000, to occupy Mashonaland), and their escort, the Company's Police under Lieutenant-Colonel Pennefather (of the Innskilling Dragoons) who, as the senior Imperial officer, also assumed overall military command of the expedition.

From Macloutsie the Column set out for what is now Tuli, reaching the Shashi River on 1 July 1890. On 6 July the Column crossed the Shashi and set out for the north. The march that followed is described by Wilfred Bussy (first Editor of The Outpost and first historian of the BSAP) as follows'.'a march of less than 500 venturesome Britishers through 400 miles of trackless desert infested by hostile savages, and marked at every state by drifts, barred by great rocks, mountain walls through which a practicable road had to be cut, long torturing stretches of country that held no water, or well-nigh impenetrable bushveld. Such an undertaking had to be carried out before the object of the expedition could be achieved ' the occupation of Mashonaland and the establishment of Rhodesia'.

The pathfinder for the column was the famous hunter, explorer and naturalist, Frederick Courteney Selous ' his objective, a small kopje he had named on one of his earlier solitary travels in Mashonaland, Mount Hampden.

In the event, the Column chose the kopje that now overlooks Salisbury, in preference to Mount Hampden, and the Union Jack was first hoisted on what is now Cecil Square on 12 September 1890, the encampment being named Fort Salisbury after the then British Prime Minister, Lord Salisbury.

The next duty of the Force was to provide protective outposts for the farmers and miners who spread out from Fort Salisbury, and to protect and maintain the lines of communication with the south, and for this purpose troops of mounted men were stationed at the various centres. During the period 1890-92 the BSA Company reduced the size of its Police Force for economy reasons, many of the men transferring to the Mashonaland Horse under Major Forbes, with 380 men in Salisbury, 150 at Fort Victoria and detachments at Hartley and Manica (Umtali). At Salisbury there were Headquarters, and `A' and `B' troops, with detachments at Goromonzi, and so on. District out-stations in those days had far larger establishments of police than they do today.

At this time the Portuguese, who claimed the Eastern Border district and much of the old kingdom of Monomatapa, annoyed by the penetration of the British, occupied Umtasa's kraal with 300 native troops under Portuguese officers. Captain Forbes was sent with 15 police to reconnoitre, and found the Portuguese in occupation. Then, reinforced by a further 20 police under Lieutenant Fiennes (later Lieutenant-Colonel The Hon E Fiennes), he attacked and routed the Portuguese, followed up and occupied Masikesi and then marched on Beira. On reaching the Pungwe River, however, only a few miles from the port, he was recalled. By agreement the Portuguese retained Masikesi and the British occupied Umtasa's country. Later, however, the local Portuguese Commander, Colonel Ferreira, tried to drive the settlers back from the hills around Umtali, but was defeated, the police again raising the British flag at Masikesi. Eventually a treaty was signed, aligning the border as it is today.

From those times, before the formation even of the Native Department, dates the good relationship between the police and the public, both European and native. Patrols 'showed the flag', gave by their presence protection to the kraals from raids by the powerful Matabele 'impis', and generally acted as fathers and friends of the people. And that feeling, that the police are their friends and protectors, exists today among the majority of the population, in spite of there having been three native rebellions and various instances of civil unrest ' strikes, etc. It is our duty, and that means your duty, by our day-to-day conduct, to promote this feeling of goodwill, for without the co-operation of the public a police force cannot operate successfully. (Remember, this was written in the 1950's or '60's - Ed).

In 1892 a group of South Africa farmers under Moodie trekked from the Transvaal and settled in the Melsetter district, while the BSA Company Police extended their theatre of operations to give protection to the new settlers. The descendants of these people live in the area to this day.

In 1893 the railway was started from Beira to Umtali, where every mile of line is said to have cost the lives of ten men. At the same time the telegraph line was built from the Union, and in the same year the first Matabele war broke out. Lobengula was unable to restrain his 'impis' any longer from attacking the white men, and these pillaged, burned and killed many of the outlying settlers. The Pioneers were formed into military units and the assistance of the BBP was obtained, with the BSA Company Police forming the nucleus of the resisting forces. One patrol of 40 men under Major Allan Wilson, while on a reconnaissance to discover the whereabouts of Lobengula, was attacked by an overwhelming force of Matabele, 7 000 strong, on the Shangani River and all but six of his men, used in sending messages back to the main column, were killed. The Ndebele, although a cruel and ferocious fighter who killed indiscriminately men, women and children, were still gentlemen at heart, for they so admired the bravery of Wilson and his men that they did not mutilate the bodies afterwards, as was their usual custom (sic).

By 1894 the Matabele were broken, Lobengula fled and died somewhere in the Shangani or Sebungwe areas, with a legend of a vast hoard of treasure buried with him, though the grave has never been found. The town of Bulawayo was founded on the site of Lobengula's kraal, and Government House, Bulawayo, now stands on the site of the actual Royal Kraal, and the 'indaba tree' still stands. At the same time Matabeleland was incorporated in the Colony, then known as Southern Zambesia, but the name was changed the next year to Southern Rhodesia, in honour of the Founder. The BSA Company Police was then disbanded and formed into the Matabeleland Mounted, Matabeleland Native Police, Mashonaland Horse and Mashonaland Constabulary, the mounted units being the District Police and the Constabulary policing the towns. Later, in 1896, they were formed into the British South Africa Police.

To be continued.

98-year-old woman in the UK wrote the following letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it worthy of submission for publication in the Times.

'Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only 38 years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account œ30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity that your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status that I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits, but again I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, please press buttons as follows: 1) To make an appointment to see me: 2) To query a missing payment: 3) To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there: 4) To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping: 5) To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature: 6) To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home: 7) To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. This password will be communicated to your Authorized Contact at a later date): 8) To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8 again: 9) To make a general complaint or enquiry. In this case the contact will be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year. Your Humble Client'.

Every Friday evening after work Van der Merwe would braai a big, fat juicy steak. But his neighbours, being Catholic and therefore reluctant to eat meat on Fridays, suffered agonies of temptation as the delicious aroma carried on the evening breeze. They persuaded their priest to try to convert Van. Success! Van attended Mass and the priest sprinkled holy water over him and said 'You were born a Protestant, raised a Protestant but now you are a Catholic'. Everybody was delighted. But when Friday night came the wonderful aroma of grilled steak again wafted over the neighbourhood. The priest rushed into Van's garden just in time to see him clutching a small bottle of holy water and sprinkling it over the grilling meat and chanting 'You was born a cow, you was raised as a cow, but now you is a snoek'!